The Avalanche of Bad Decisions… But Were They Really?

I went to the recruiter’s office and the recruiter solidified my decision to join. I set up a day to go to MEPS (where I would take the ASVAB and sign my contract), but as I entered the recruiting office the DAY OF MEPS, they explained to me that the tiny heart tattoo on my hand would disqualify me. What? Really?

About a year before this, I got my first tattoo on foot, along with a heart on my hand. I’m from Michigan, the Mitten State, named for being shaped like a mitten. If you ask any Michigander where they are from they will hold up their hand and point to the city. I put a heart where Kalamazoo is, because “home is where the heart is” (I know I’m adorable). Unfortunately, this adorable hand tattoo is what prevented me from joining the National Guard. I tried to have it removed, but after three laser treatments, I realized it was a lost cause.

After that I had my heart set on joining the military. Afterall, my grandpa was a marine, my father a sailor, one cousin a soldier in the army, and another, a sailor like my dad. I had nothing but respect for the men and women who chose to serve our country. Why not me? I looked into the Air Force and Navy (both don’t mind hand tattoos), and after talking with my dad, decided on the Navy.

It was time to head to MEPS, for real this time, and my dad told me not to sign anything and come home to discuss it. I knew he wanted to talk me out of it, and he would’ve been successful, so I said okay, knowing full well I would probably swear in that day. I scored a relatively high score on the ASVAB and qualified for the Advance Electrical Computer Field (AECF) rate. I immediately told my recruiter no. I wouldn’t like it, I have no experience in the field, and I am as girly girl as you can get. No, I would not accept that job. She explained it was the only job available, and I would love it, besides I still had my officer package going in. Praying my officer application would be accepted, I begrudgingly signed the contract for AECF.

I took the OAR (exam to be an officer), and earned a 42. I needed at least a 45 or 50 to be competitive. I bought a book to study with the intention to take it again. With no response to four voicemails, four texts, and four calls to the office, my date for bootcamp creeping up closer, my recruiters ensuring me I could put an officer package in once I graduated boot camp, I decided to go enlisted.

Fast forward two years, I am FCA3 Barnes, have college credits towards an electrical engineering degree, finished top 5 in each of my three schools, and can tell you how to fix a transmitter using long lines, and the difference between SM-6s and SM-3s (those are missiles), among many other facts about the Fire Control System (a weapons system aboard naval cruisers and destroyers). These days I use my left brain. I discuss technical facts and figures, stay inside a cookie cutter box, have orders barked a me, and wear a uniform that makes me look like a man, more or less. Quite the opposite of what I dreamed of.

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During my time in the Navy, I have come to realize that I am, in fact, intelligent. I am capable of doing well in classes, and am apparently good on the technical side of things. This should excite me, right? I have found something I am good at. This is where I belong… right? Well, I full heartedly believe this is where I belong for now. I may be better at using my left side of my brain, but using my creative side is what makes me excited about life. So how do I balance the two?

I follow Amanda Silvas (@DoItLikeYou) on Instagram, who is a speaker, and self love and success coach. Her posts are inspiring and encouraged me to join one of her coaching groups. Through discussions with Amanda, I discovered I needed to focus on self-love and self-actualization, to realize what I am capable of. Through her I discovered Rachel Hollis founder of The Hollis Co. (@theholliscompany), and read Girl, Wash Your Face. Through Amanda and Rachel’s businesses I rediscovered my love for writing. It has taken me seven months, six self-help books, a life-coach group, and a few self-love challenges, but here I am being real with you. I did it. I started my blog.

I’ll be honest. I don’t know what this is going to turn into. I’ve already changed from posting every other week, to posting once a week. I want to write. I want to put my stuff out there. I want to help others. Join me on this journey and feel free to write comments, or send emails with questions, comments or concerns!

Stick around! I’m excited for you all to read my next few posts on hot topics I’m very passionate about: relationships, New Year’s Resolutions, mentalities, etc. I hope to hear from you, until then…

XOXO,

KCB